Online dating too fast

As we stared at each other across the car, his smile made me feel like such a little girl that I had to look away, and he told me he was in finance but was also a liberal. Of my dating horror stories that I've chosen to recount here, only one of them began online, but each man was turned off to serendipity, clicking out of whatever we could have had going and moving on to fill his shopping cart with superior merchandise. It isn't sensible or fair to stick around with someone just to say you gave it a shot.

That I was willing to go on a fourth date with Vanilla Southern Guy, in whom I was fundamentally uninterested in the long run, is not necessarily a good thing. Why am I willing to give chances to guy after guy who is just OK, exactly like the cupid whence he came?

This is why it's easier to be in the closet today than it was 50 years ago.

Imagine living in a conservative small town where you have to go to the next state to find the closest gay bar.

Your needs can all be met without your ever having to lead the life of a gay man, which, particularly in a conservative small town, is a painful life to lead.

We live in a world where if one little thing rubs you the wrong way about someone you're dating, you can get on your device and shop for someone else. (I wouldn't be surprised at all if I heard one gay guy refer to another gay guy as a "dolphin." I'd just think I'd missed the latest label.) The gay community's collective sexual identity is built around checklists.

Did he come across as clingy in a text message, the most easily misunderstood form of communication? Gay men can satisfy their sexual desires with a tap of their thumb.

(Might I remind you that this guy was half-white.) I never saw him again.

These are just three tiny tragedies from my short, two-year New York City dating life.

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Fan online, so this is a feel-out date: Am I actually interested in this person whom I only know through photographs and writing skills? But that redhead sure is cute, in a nerdy kind of way. But wouldn't a redhead get old after a while, like the way I can only listen to Tori Amos for like five minutes before I get really sick of her? Was dating always this way, with lonely souls ready at a moment's notice to jump ship and find someone who might be a little "better," before we've even gotten to know the first person at all? I told him about my chosen career -- I'm an actor and playwright, and, at the time, I was unsuccessfully hunting for a day job -- and he treated the whole thing as if I'd told him I lived on a kibbutz.

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